I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
