Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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