u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
