maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize