party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
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She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
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He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize