woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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