It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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