My sheets look like a crime scene.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
