watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
