I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize