she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
