mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
