I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize