Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
