Got a toothbrush?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
