Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize