Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
