Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
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He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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