Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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