She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
