sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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