You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
