I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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