All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
