I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
