I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
