I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
