Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
