Can i not drive my cunt home
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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