i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
