Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
