How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
