i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
