I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
