after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So squirting runs in the family.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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