then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
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You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
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It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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