I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
