She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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