So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
