my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I can't put those talents on a resume
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
