i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
