I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
