did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
