I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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