Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
