Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
