I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
