Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i came on her dog
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
