a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
