Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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