I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
