Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
