im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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