oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
...so i touched it.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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