I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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