i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
