there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
