I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
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i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
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Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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