Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
