I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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