she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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