guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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