im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
