Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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