just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
