There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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