you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
