just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
