i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
