2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
